Do you choose to be a leader?

What can you do as a senior leader, when your manager’s behaviour towards you and your team is fundamentally different compared to how you lead your team? Or when they challenge your leadership style, and perhaps have a different opinion about the best strategy and approach for your team?

In other words: what do you do when your manager’s leadership style or philosophy does not align with yours?

Do you dig your feet in the ground, explain to them that their approach isn’t working for you and your team? Perhaps you start gathering data, to provide evidence of how successful you and your team have been lately? Or do you push the issue away by telling yourself that it is not such a big deal?

Or do you remind yourself of what you believe in, what really matters to you?

Do you choose to be a leader?

Ask yourself how you would approach this situation if the misalignment was not with your manager, but with one of your direct reports, or with one of your peers. Also consider the strategic nature of the issue. This is not a trivial matter, it might have repercussions for you on the longer term.

(I hope) you would take your time to first learn about the other’s point of view. Understand where they are coming from, what they are attempting to take care of. What has led them to adopt their current approach? What do they believe in? Who is breathing down their neck?

And then, when there is a shared understanding of the context, you would guide the conversation towards the coordination of your actions. How can you help? What do they assume responsibility for?

I am not claiming that this is the easiest route to take. And there is no guarantee of immediate positive results.

So why would you choose to be a leader in this situation?

First of all, you would be taking care of your immediate concerns:

• It releases your stress and anxiety.

• You gain a better understanding of the Why - why is your manager behaving the way they do?

• The situation culminates in a constructive conversation about coordination, and not in a heated discussion.

Secondly, you would put yourself in a position where you can be much more impactful:

• Clarity: understanding your manager’s concerns, you can decide if and how to support them, and you can provide more clarity towards your team.

• Focus: with your concerns taken care of, you can start spending your time and energy on what matters to you.

• Confidence: the experience of creating a positive outcome from a situation like this will boost your confidence as a leader.

Lastly, you would apply a powerful leadership principle: leadership is a choice.

You are assigned management responsibilities, but you choose to be a leader.